Monthly Archives: October 2015

A&A Part III: Mold, or How Far Do We Go?

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We had the whole house checked, top to bottom, for issues and possible allergens after Martin started having these reactions. Overall, our house is doing pretty well. Mold in the air is low. Mold in dust samples (dust? what dust?) is normal-to-low. Mycotoxin sample shows barely perceptible positive for tricothecenes. Total VOC air sample is ideal, and mold VOC air sample is low.

The consultant did notice “some mold on the floor joists in the basement,” which he speculates is leftover from before we bought the house. It does not appear to be affected air quality or spreading.

So here’s the question: How far do we go? Before we moved into the house, a couple years ago, we had basement mold remediated. That mold had a clear source; the previous owner had left a ground-level basement window open during Superstorm Sandy—evidently she thought the basement would be better with “circulation”—and water poured through the window, leaving ickiness in its wake. Remediating that mess was like those scenes at the end of E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial. You know, when scientists and government officials are obscured in protective gear, and plastic sheets cover everything. That was how our house looked, to annihilate the Sandy mold. You can imagine the cost.

Do we do that again now, to go after some petty bit in floor joists not affecting air quality? Not at this moment, no. I’m going to put that mold onto the “monitor” list instead. Autism recovery, however you approach it, can be a highway to the poorhouse. Chasing after a bit of mold, right now, seems like a voluntary move into the fast lane on that highway.

Martin, as Donald Duck, trick-or-treating with friend.

Martin, as Donald Duck, trick-or-treating with friend.

Hot Summer in the… in the… Suburbs

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Autumn temperatures have descended upon New York. Finally. Summertime is better now that we live outside the City, but even so, I’m no fan. I don’t like heat. I don’t like air conditioning. I don’t like feeling pressure to fill long evenings. I don’t like the months without the New York Rangers, although the near back-to-back scheduling of the French Open and Wimbledon, followed later by the U.S. Open, eases my Rangers-related anxiety.

Let’s celebrate the opening of hockey season with a look back at what Adrian is calling the “summer of changes”:

  • At the beginning of summer, Martin liked to spend time in our pool but refused to jump in, put his head under water, or do any actual swimming. He insisted on wearing a full life vest, and he panicked if approached, because he feared someone might try to dunk him.

During an August visit to Texas, he spent hours lounging in my parents’ pool with Grandpa. I’m not sure exactly what changed, but one day Martin and Grandpa were dipping their heads under water together. Soon thereafter, Martin was going under water alone (and, in Martin fashion, demanding applause when he surfaced). He was also, with Grandpa’s help, pushing off the poolside and making rudimentary attempts at swimming.

Back home, Martin’s cousin Mandy, who can already turn somersaults and do handstands under water, came to stay with us for a few days. Martin hates to be outdone by Mandy. He started going deeper under water, sometimes headfirst, and kicking his way back to the surface. After Mandy left, we had a visit from a 10-year-old family friend who is afraid to jump in the water. Martin seized the chance to outdo an older child and made his first voluntary, if hesitant, leap into our pool. The very same afternoon, Martin was allowing Adrian to toss him—“one, two, three!”—from the deck into the pool, plunging under water, swimming five or six feet before surfacing, and immediately demanding, “Do it again, Daddy! Throw me in the pool again!”

  • The theme of Martin not wanting his head under water has been constant for years, since before we knew he had autism. When he was a baby, Martin and I took a “Mommy & Me” swim class. The exercises included tipping baby backwards until he was floating on his back and, with the instructor’s help, having baby dog paddle a short distance to his mommy. The tipping exercise terrified baby Martin; as soon as the back of his head touched the water’s surface, he would scream. (“Don’t worry,” said the instructor. “Some kids just take longer to enjoy the sensation.”) The dog paddling never worked, either; Martin panicked when released into the water and flailed instead of making the paddling motions.

Later, through HANDLE therapy and Anat Baniel Method, I learned about Martin’s primitive reflexes and why they might not have developed properly. Those infantile pool shortcomings were warning signs.

Until this summer, Martin retained the fear of lying on his back in water, including in the bathtub, where he would insist on sitting up or, at most, lying on his side with his head propped on a crooked elbow. Not long after he started swimming under water, I found him lying on his back in the bathtub, his head submerged up to his ears. “What are you doing there, Martin?” I asked. He lifted his ears out of the water and responded, “Oh, I’m just relaxing, Mommy.”

  • Of course, a kid who doesn’t like his head under water doesn’t like to shower. We have a full-spectrum infrared sauna at home. A key part of the sauna routine is showering upon exiting, to prevent the skin from reabsorbing toxins that may have been excreted through sweat. Until this summer, the shower was such a chore that I dreaded using the sauna with Martin. As Martin’s pool confidence increased, Adrian started dragging him into the shower after swimming (which I didn’t love, because I prefer to give Martin an Epsom-salt-and-baking-soda bath to detox after swimming, but sometimes you have to let father and son have their time). Showering got easier and easier, and correspondingly so did using the sauna. It’s a kind of trade-off: fewer detox baths for more sauna time.
  • Early in the springtime, we bought Martin a new bicycle. He’d grown so much over the winter that his old bicycle, which had training wheels, looked like a circus toy underneath him. We decided to be bold and optimistic with the new bicycle and not pay to have training wheels installed. For a few months it seemed like maybe we’d been too bold and optimistic. Adrian and I made almost no progress trying to teach Martin to ride. It was frustrating. By mid-July, we were ready to throw in the towel.

Martin participates in a terrific sports-and-training program for special-needs kids, which focuses on playground skills like shooting baskets and playing kickball. When I found out that that the head trainer was also running a bicycle-riding clinic, I signed Martin up immediately. The professionals possess magic skills that Adrian and I lack; within the first hour-long lesson, they had Martin up and riding. It took a few more lessons before Martin could push himself off and pedal together, or stop without tipping over the bicycle, and it took practice with Adrian before he could successfully use the hand brake to slow himself down instead of stopping suddenly. As of today, Martin still can’t stand up and pedal, as to power himself uphill. But that will come. Meanwhile, he rides four- and even six-mile journeys with Adrian.

Monday evening, as we pulled in the garage, late for dinner, with homework yet to be done, Martin said, “I’m just going to do some bicycling riding now.” I couldn’t allow that. But it was nice that he wanted to.

  • Shoe tying. This is another area where Martin didn’t want to be outdone by Cousin Mandy, and where we sought professional assistance. Cousin Mandy can tie her shoes already. During a car trip together in August, she decided to try teaching Martin. That didn’t go well. Eventually tears were involved. Nonetheless, it put the idea in Martin’s head, and after Mandy was gone, he asked me to help him learn. I tried. I failed. (It’s a good thing I don’t homeschool. One day Martin will agree.) The first week of school, I wrote a note to Martin’s occupational therapist listing shoe tying as one of our goals for the year. You guessed it: Within a week, the OT had him tying his shoes. Within two weeks, he’d mastered the double knot. Now Martin is concerned with learning to tighten laces sequentially and also tie “big laces,” because he wants to be able to—lace up his hockey skates.
  • That’s right. Martin is learning to play ice hockey. We had planned to try him this fall in a Mites league, or even down one age group on a Mini-Mites team. But he had no skating experience, and many of the kids on those teams have already been skating since age two or three, and suiting up for hockey for at least a full season, if not two. Adrian and I weren’t even sure whether Martin would like playing hockey. We didn’t want to frustrate him on the ice with kids much, much more skilled than he is. So instead we signed him up for private lessons. He loves the skating so much that now he wants to take an extra lesson each week, in order to reach stick-handling skills sooner.

I doubt that Martin is destined for hockey greatness. I was satisfactorily athletic as a child, competing in swimming, soccer, softball. Adrian, by his own reporting, was an utter flop at everything except skiing. We are hardly the type of world-class athletes that tend to produce other world-class athletes, and Martin is getting a later start, both in age and skill development, than most players.

Nevertheless, please take a minute to contemplate what it means to me to see my son on skates. If you read this blog, you know I love hockey. When Martin, my only child, was diagnosed at age two with mild-to-moderate autism, my dreams of raising a hockey player flickered, and maybe fizzled. Five years later, with the help of biomed and therapies, Martin is tying skates, wearing hockey gear, and getting ready to start learning stick-handling skills. Yes, he is.

Having a summer of changes is a beautiful thing, because “change” is not usually a development that sits well with a child on the spectrum.

And now, the summer of changes has drawn closed. Halloween is nearly upon us. Martin wants to be Donald Duck this year, which is a real problem; the duckier costumes are made for infants, small children, and (not sure what this is about) adults. Apparently no one between age five and age 18 is supposed to be Donald Duck. For my tall seven-year-old, I’ve had to resort to a “pajama costume.”

Maybe next year we’ll have the “autumn of more-grown-up costume ideas.”

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A&A Part II: Formaldehyde

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When we moved to the suburbs, June 4, 2013, we bought Martin a new bedframe, a twin-size rally car frame. Because of wheels, bumper, and built-in shelf, it occupied more space than the plain, unfinished hardwood frame he’d had previously. In the City, his bedroom was too small for a fancy rally frame; the suburbs have some advantages.

We did not, however, replace Martin’s mattress, which was an expensive organic mattress that I’d ordered two years earlier from California. A bedframe is one thing. An organic mattress does not get replaced so willy-nilly.

Martin never adored the rally bed, even though he and Adrian had picked it out together on-line. I think the metal headboard and side rails were cumbersome. Martin still tends to toss and turn at night, and to throw his limbs over the bedside. I would hear him at night, banging his arms and head on metal. Plus, the metal was cold. I didn’t love the rally bed, either. At the time, I still had to pick Martin up, out of bed, while he was sleeping, to take him to the bathroom or help him wake up. As he grew bigger, it was hard to lift him over the rails without straining my back.

What I did know was that the rally bed was safe. I’d researched the materials of which the frame was made, and the manufacturing processes, and I felt comfortable that they posed no particular dangers.

This June, 2015, Martin decided to break up with his rally car bed. The end of their two-year relationship came suddenly. Martin, for a couple weeks, had been having trouble falling asleep. One night, after an hour or two of talking to his stuffed animals, giggling, dancing down the hall to the potty, and calling for drinks of water, Martin asked to sleep in the queen-size bed in the guest room. I can’t remember whether I acted out of frustration, or exasperation, or hope, or some combination; in any event, I let him climb into the guest bed, and he was asleep within minutes.

The next night, the same scenario replayed. Martin stayed awake, busy as a bee, until finally he finagled permission to move to the queen-size bed in the guest room. The night after that, he skipped the rally bed altogether and asked to do bedtime in the guest room. He also stopped having trouble falling asleep. I don’t know why. Maybe the “trouble” was intentional, a ploy to try a different bed. The explanation he gave was, “Now that I’m almost seven, it’s just easier to sleep in a big bed.” That’s exactly what he said: “It’s just easier.” The little cad.

After Martin had been sleeping, without issue, in the guest room for more than a week, Adrian and I devised a plan. I didn’t want Martin to continue sleeping in the guest room. Unlike his bedroom, the guest room isn’t coated in EMF-blocking paint, isn’t right next to my and Adrian’s room, and doesn’t have his name on the wall in wooden block letters. On the other hand, Martin wanted a bigger bed and seemed to be sleeping better in a bigger bed. His own bedroom, though bigger than his City bedroom, is not wide enough to accommodate a queen-size bed. Adrian and I decided the solution was to offer Martin a double bed for his upcoming seventh birthday, and to bill the gift as a “big-boy bed.” In fact, we would give his bedroom a mini-makeover, changing the Curious George theme to an outer-space theme, because he’s into planets and moons.

(Actually, we offered Martin a list of new room themes to choose: music, outer space, books and writing, Big Hero 6, sports generally, or the New York Rangers. I was pulling for the Rangers. I was silently willing him to choose the Rangers. But it wasn’t meant to be. Martin likes planets.)

A big-boy double bed needs a big-boy double-size mattress, and for Martin it has to be an organic mattress. To make our big-boy-bed plan work, I would have to bite the bullet and shell out a lot of money for a new organic mattress. I found an organic mattress showroom not too far from us, drove there one morning, asked questions, compared choices, and ordered a satisfactory option. I also purchased a waterproof organic mattress cover, for the various mishaps that can occur in a seven-year-old’s bed. Then I set about procuring two double-size organic cotton sheet sets.

By the time all that was totaled, I was not in the mood to spend more money, and I suppose I let down my guard. I ordered an inexpensive bedframe, with storage drawers underneath, from wayfair.com. It arrived quickly, and with Samara’s help, I spent three days assembling the thing. (Adrian has myriad talents. The use of tools and hardware is not one of them.) The new organic mattress came just in time for Martin’s birthday. I filled the bed’s drawers with Martin’s stuffed animals, covered the mattress in organic sheets, switched the Curious George wall decals for outer-space wall decals, and hung up posters of the planets and moons. Martin loved his birthday gift. He immediately moved from the guest room back into his own outer-space room, into his new big-boy bed. That was at the end of June.

Martin’s allergy troubles began in earnest over the summer. As part of our search for answers, I asked our environmental consultant to check for mold, mildew, or other triggers to which Martin might be responding. Almost immediately, he found elevated levels of formaldehyde in Martin’s bedroom. Formaldehyde! It seemed to emanate from—did you guess this?—the cheap bedframe I’d bought online after spending so much on the organic mattress and linens. Martin has been exposed to formaldehyde. Way to go, me. Worse still, the consultant theorizes that the expensive mattress may have absorbed enough formaldehyde from the frame to pose an ongoing problem.

As soon as my parents, who are visiting from Texas, depart, Martin is moving back into the guest room and I’m throwing away—yes, throwing away, because although my first choice is to donate, I refuse to pass an unsafe product to any child—the bedframe. The double-size organic mattress will move to the basement in the hopes that it can air our enough to be safe again. (We have a well-ventilated basement with windows.) This time I will do my research and spend the money on a truly safe wooden bedframe, then have the organic mattress retested and hope it has become salvageable.

Remember the organic twin-size mattress that we brought with us from the City, the one that was on the rally bed? I didn’t have the heart to let that mattress go. It was too expensive. In my office I have a daybed with a trundle. I moved the twin-size organic mattress onto the trundle frame, under the main bed, thinking that we might one day put it to another use. Then my cats discovered that they could crawl underneath the daybed cover, onto the trundle mattress, and be tucked into their own flat cave between the trundle and the main bedframe. Before I even pinpointed to where the cats were disappearing hours at a time, they had left so much fur on the twin-size organic mattress that I wonder whether it will ever be suitable for humans again.

Way to go, me.

Martin doodled this on a homework sheet. I can't be sure, but I'm hoping it's some sort of representation of Henrik Lundqvist.

Martin doodled this on a homework sheet. I can’t be sure, but I’m hoping it’s some sort of representation of Henrik Lundqvist.

A&A Part I: The Issue

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A couple months ago I wrote about mysterious allergic reactions Martin was having: puffy watery eyes, runny nose, and (later) spots on his face. We suspected maybe a food was the culprit and also started searching for environmental culprits. We also started treating for chronic Lyme disease. The spots have not recurred.

We have, however, had more sneezing and watery eyes. Then, last month, yet another symptom arose. My mother-and-law and I took a day trip with Martin to “Fun4All,” an indoor playscape way out on Long Island. We sat in the snack-bar area while he climbed, bounced, and looked for a friend. Every so often Martin appeared at our table, drank some water, and scampered off. I noticed he was sweatier than usual, and breathing heavily. I was happy that he was exercising so much.

After 90 minutes, Martin was too sweaty, and breathing too hard, and his eyes were watering, and he was coughing. I asked if he wanted leave, and he said he did. Whatever reaction he was having was severe enough that I started looking for triggers. I’d noticed a kind of chemically smell, so I took a picture of a sign posted in the restroom, which said that Fun4All is cleaned with “Simple Green D Pro 5,” a “one-step cleaner, disinfectant, virucide, fungicide, sanitizer, mildewstat & deodorizer” that is “hospital grade.” (In my world, that sounds scary. Very scary.)

We exited Fun4All. In the parking lot, I realized that Martin was wheezing. He was having a full asthma attack, like the attacks that strike my older brothers, who are asthmatic. I used my iPhone’s voice-memo feature to record Martin’s labored breathing, so I could share it with his pediatrician. Then I loaded him into the car and gave him a bottle of water. The wheezing faded within twenty minutes.

That was the first asthma incident. In the four weeks since, Martin has experienced half a dozen more, each time after exercising: ice skating lessons, bicycle riding, playground. He’s also coughed, a lot, had a generally runny nose, and breathed heavily at night.

The search for answers entered high gear. I contacted our environmental consultant to retest our house for mold and mildew, which we also had done before we bought the house. I talked to Martin’s autism specialist (his biomed doctor), who advised me to bring Martin to his pediatrician for traditional allergy testing. The pediatrician also sent us to a traditional allergy/asthma specialist, to evaluate the results of the pediatrician’s tests and to conduct additional tests. I requested a phone consultation with Martin’s homeopath.

Soon we were armed with an albuterol inhaler as well as a nebulizer for bronchodilators. (I don’t like to use pharmaceuticals with Martin, or with myself for that matter, but when it comes to breathing, I am not willing to mess around.) We also found, I hope, some answers.

This is the first of four posts on A&A, allergies and asthma. The next three will cover the potential triggers we’ve discovered. I hope that, in a few months, I will be able to write a post about resolving the Martin’s A&A.

I’m not happy about any of this. We’ve been fighting autism for years now. I don’t need any more A’s on my plate.

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Afterward

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It’s 3:25 a.m. Obviously, I’m awake. Jet lag. Adrian and I are on vacation in Turkey (far from Ankara, where the horrific suicide bombings occurred Saturday), celebrating our anniversary. Martin is home with my parents.

As I lie awake, my mind wanders to this question: What will I do with myself when Martin is recovered enough to be close to typical? This autism journey has consumed my life. What will be my next act?

These types thoughts tend to happen on vacation, when for a change I’m seeing the forest, not focused on the trees like dinner tonight, ordering supplements, planning travel to doctors, trying to keep current on science. Twelve months ago, in a post started on vacation in Germany, then finished back home, I wrote about finding the “me” in Martin’s recovery, about trying to have some life of my own. I have been improving at that, writing more (non-blog) and working 20 hours per week. Still, bio-med life feels like a treadmill. Pauses are rarely allowed.

I don’t know what my next act will be.

But I’m looking forward to it.

Istanbul. This scenery, giving me pause.

Istanbul. This scenery, giving me pause.

Why Can’t We Cross the Finish Line, the Nonexistent Finish Line, Together?

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Bobby [a pseudonym] is eight years old and, according to Martin, his best friend. Bobby and Martin met in special-needs preschool four years ago, when Bobby was four years old and Martin was three. That’s also when I met Bobby’s mom, my friend Stacey [a pseudonym]. Bobby also has autism, and Stacey started biomed with him the following year, when Bobby was five.

When we all met, Bobby and Martin were superficially alike, with corresponding language limitations, emotional dysregulation, and lack of joint attention. They both had been classified “mild-to-moderate” on the autism spectrum. Beneath the surface, however, Martin and Bobby have entirely different health issues. Martin, simplified, has gut dysbiosis, mitochondrial processing issues, recurrent candida overgrowth, and suspected viruses hiding in biofilm. His immune system used to exist in overdrive, so that he was “never sick.” Bobby, simplified, has persistent mycoplasma pneumonia, environmental allergies, parasites, and PANS. His immune system is so depressed that he is “always sick.”

Stacey is given to panic. That is, she remains more susceptible than I am to the rollercoaster ride that is autism recovery. It is therefore possible that I did not completely, wholly, 100% believe her when, during the past few months, she’s said that Bobby isn’t doing as well as Martin, and that she’s not even sure they are still making progress in resolving his health issues.

Two weeks ago, Martin and I had a rare opportunity to hang out with just Stacey and Bobby. After a few hours together, and with regrets, I had to agree with Stacey that Bobby is not doing as well as Martin. At the restaurant, Bobby impulsively put his hands in others’ food and bolted from the table. When we walked in town, he disappeared into store after store and cried about having to go to school the next day. On the playground, he couldn’t swing by himself, aggressively hugged strangers, and melted down when it was time to leave. Martin, meanwhile, was perseverating a lot but otherwise looking pretty typical.

Know that I discussed all this with Stacey, and she gave me permission to write this post. I would not blindside a friend on-line, pseudonyms or no.

The afternoon’s low point, for me, came when Bobby was sitting on the sidewalk biting his own arm and I asked myself, “Is Bobby still the right best friend for Martin? Should Martin spend time with friends who challenge him more?” I would never want a mother to question whether Martin is the right friend for her child. I want Martin to be accepted by all kids, typically developing or otherwise. I was shortsighted and cruel to consider, even for a moment, directing Martin toward a higher-functioning friend. I recognized immediately that I was wrong and tried to turn the situation positive by asking Martin, “Your friend is having a difficult time. How can you help?” Still, there was no denying what I’d felt.

There are plenty reasons why, even though Stacey works just as hard as I do, Bobby’s recovery might be lagging behind Martin’s. I had the advantage of starting biomed when Martin was just two-and-a-half; by the time he met Bobby six months later, they were developmentally akin, even though Bobby is a full year older. Stacey didn’t get to start biomed until Bobby was five years old. The boys’ underlying issues are so different. Not all kids respond well to biomed, and Bobby may be one who doesn’t.

Three years ago, I wrote on this blog:

When I hear about other ASD kids making more progress, or faster progress, than Martin, it gives me hope. It also makes me angry and resentful. Why not our turn? Why not yet? What more do I have to do?

I ask myself, Is that still true? Do I still feel angry and resentful when other kids make more progress?

No. I don’t think so. Consider my friend Lakshmi and her son, Partha. I’ve written about Lakshmi before. Partha suffered a regression (lost all language) following a vaccination. We first met a few years ago when Lakshmi contacted me through this blog, and Partha was developmentally at about Martin’s level. Partha is recovered now, except for minor quirks; his mainstream classmates don’t know he had autism. That is much further along than Martin. When I see Partha and the progress he’s made, I feel happy for Lakshmi and inspired by what she’s accomplished. No resentment. No anger. Only the desire to continue sharing ideas over a cup of coffee. The same goes for my feelings about the other three recovered boys I know, as well as the kids I “know” through on-line chatter but have not met.

I’ve reached my current sanguinity, likely, because Martin has made clear, significant, and undeniable progress toward neurotypicality. In the same post as the “angry and resentful” admission, I mentioned that I became frustrated with Martin for spectrum behaviors like skipping, chewing on a straw in the corner of his mouth, and letting himself fall slack. In a later post, I wrote about Martin whining continuously oh mommy oh mommy oh mommy for 30 minutes, and screaming all the way from our apartment to JFK because Adrian suggested that he change jackets. We are nowhere near that place anymore. The spectrum behaviors that frustrate me today are more like talking too loud in church, laughing at the wrong time, and taking too long to finish breakfast. Almost every day, my confidence increases that we will achieve something like recovery.

I asked Stacey how she feels when she sees Martin or Bobby together, or when she sees Partha. (She knows Lakshmi and Partha too. We biomed moms all end up pals.) Stacey said that children who are recovering faster than Bobby make her depressed and anxious. She worries that she isn’t exploring the right treatments, and asks herself what more she can do (as I once asked myself, and sometimes still do). She fears that a mythical window will slide closed, separating Bobby forever from recovery.

And how does she feel when she sees a child who’s made no progress, who hasn’t taken any steps toward recovery, whose behaviors are more pronounced than Bobby’s, who lacks all language? She said, “I try not to assume the emotional burdens of others’ journeys. I want the best for them. I focus on Bobby.”

I admire Stacey for being hopeful for other kids while not letting their condition tint her outlook. I still tie myself to others’ children. Bobby’s performance at our play date has upset me terribly. I can’t feel as good about Martin’s recovery when I know not everyone is doing as well.

Kind of a funny shot of Martin, acting pretty typical while enjoying calamari in a restaurant.

Kind of a funny shot of Martin, acting pretty typical while enjoying calamari in a restaurant.

Once upon a time, it was more difficult for me to witness biomed kids passing Martin. Today, I think, it has become more difficult to see the ones who lag.