All of a Sudden, a Whole Bunch More Happens

I have a lengthy post prepared on “my beef with the GAPS Diet author.” It’s all ready to go. But—

Shelving that post! At least for today. Because I must, must, must tell you about what else Martin did this weekend.

  • Saturday evening, back at O’Hare to fly home, we saw another family, with a boy about Martin’s age, boarding our flight. The boy was pulling a Cars-themed roller-board. Unprompted, Martin strolled up to the boy and asked, “Did you bring your own suitcase?”
  • Martin didn’t get to bed until almost midnight Saturday night, so I thought that getting up Sunday morning would be a real problem. It was not. When I entered his bedroom to wake him, I reminded him that it was Sunday and he was going to sing with the kids’ chorus at church. He came to life with excitement. “I’m going to sing with the kids’ chorus!” Then he did it. He sang with the kids’ chorus, three songs. He was too excited and bounced around a little. But he sang and clapped and stayed in more or less one spot, without so much as a point or prod from me. I sat in the front pew and recorded the event.
  • Also at church, during kids’ time, Martin sat on my lap in the circle with the other kids. When he got fidgety, I asked, “Would you like to go sit with Vincent?”, meaning another boy across the circle. Martin nodded yes (nodded!) and scooted to Vincent. Then, instead of just sidling up, Martin asked, “Vincent, may I sit next to you?” Vincent paused for a second—a very long second, for me—then he smiled and nodded. They sat together the rest of circle time.
  • Sunday afternoon, we went to visit friends in another town who have a three-year-old, Sebastian. After some initial shyness, and then goofiness, Martin trotted off to Sebastian’s room, and the two boys played together, interactively, for two hours. They sat at a little table and took turns with different objects, and took turns complaining when each thought the other wasn’t sharing. When I called from the kitchen, “Martin, what are you doing in there?”, he answered, “Me and Sebastian are making apple pie,” and then added, “Well, we’re pretending to make apple pie.” Sebastian is, granted, only three. Nevertheless, the interaction was so significant that Adrian said, “What is this? What’s going on? I’ve never seen this before.”
  • Sunday evening we accompanied the same friends to a jack-o’-lantern display. Martin and Sebastian wore their Halloween costumes (an astronaut and a dinosaur, respectively) and chose to hold hands as they walked.

This evening, Tuesday, I had dinner with the parents of another special-needs child. I told them excitedly about the events described above. One of these parents said, “That’s the thing about special needs. What might sound like nothing to another parent is amazing to us.”

Nailed it.

It’s Hard to Blog an Avalanche

Monday evening Martin and I filling our birdfeeders, in front of the house, when the UPS truck pulled up. My UPS guy and I share a special bond: We’re both New York Rangers fans. We hadn’t talked since June 13, when the Rangers dropped the Stanley Cup finals to the Los Angeles Kings, so we started to chat hockey emotions. Were we heartbroken? Proud? Was this transition season—the Rangers have a new coach—the start of a dynasty? Would we miss Brad Richards?

Martin approached, listened for a second, looked at the UPS guy, and said, “Oh, hi!”

Goodness, I thought. Martin just addressed a stranger, without being prompted. That’s new.

“Hey, little man,” the UPS guy said and patted Martin’s head.

Martin remained while the UPS guy and I finished our conversation. (We will miss Richards! But his time has come!) Then I said to the UPS guy, “All right. Have a good week.”

And Martin said to the UPS guy, “Well, okay, ’bye. See you later.”

Goodness, I thought. Martin just interpreted my social cue and said goodbye, without being prompted. That’s new.

When Martin does something new, and appropriate, and typical, I remind myself to blog. Often I make a note so I’ll remember to write the event. If you’ve been reading this blog a long time, you know about the first time Martin said, “I don’t know,” and the first time Martin interactively shared a toy, and even the first time he understood that my outstretched hand meant I wanted a napkin from him.

The past few weeks have brought so many firsts that blogging them all would be a heavy burden. The firsts are tumbling one atop the other. Thus—

When I brought Martin to playgroup in the City last week, we were late, and his friends were already downstairs. Martin proceeded directly downstairs.

No distraction from the upstairs toys? No direction needed? No dawdling on the steps? That’s a first.

Thursday morning Adrian, fresh from the shower, in a t-shirt and black boxer-briefs, was helping Martin get dressed for school. I overheard this:

“No, Daddy. I don’t want white underwear!”

“What’s wrong with white underwear?”

“I want to wear black underwear, like you. And black socks, too.”

Noticing what Daddy is wearing? Wanting the same for himself? First.

This weekend Martin was in our pool when I asked if he wanted some water. He replied, “No, I’ll have a drink when I’m done swimming.”

Providing more information than I asked for? Thinking ahead? First.

Sunday my brother Eddie was visiting to watch the USAPortugal World Cup match. When Jermaine Jones scored in the 64th minute, tying the game 1-1, Eddie leapt to his feet and whooped. Martin, startled, covered his ears with a pained expression. Then he looked at me, lowered his hands, giggled, and said, “Oh, that scared me!”

Checking my face for reassurance? Immediately recovering from a sensory overload? Laughing at himself? Unsolicited emotion sharing? First, first, first, first.

Seventeen minutes later, Clint Dempsey scored, giving USA a 2-1 lead. Eddie whooped again. Adrian jumped in happiness. I lifted Martin, used my right arm to hold him on my hip, and ran around the family room thrusting my left fist in the air as I shouted, “Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!”

As I recovered, I realized that Martin, still on my hip, was thrusting his itty fist into the air and shouting, “Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!”

Independent participation? Imitation just for the heck of it? Not quite a first, but close enough—never before so vivid, or so immediate.

(Better not to ask what happened when Portugal’s Verela scored in the final minute of stoppage, preventing USA from clinching an early second-round berth.)

Monday afternoon Martin and his friend Christopher were in a children’s waiting room, ostensibly overseen by Christopher’s older brother, Benjamin, while I met with Christopher’s mother. When I entered the waiting room, Martin and Christopher were wrestling, gleefully, amidst a pile of toys as Benjamin laughed.

“What on earth are you two doing?” I asked.

Martin looked up from under Christopher and replied, “We’re banging and yelling!”

I assumed Benjamin had accused the younger boys of this. I asked, “Who is banging, and who is yelling?”

Martin said, “I’m banging, and he’s yelling.” Then he returned to struggling with Christopher.

Fully interactive play? Answering questions even while epically distracted? Pretty darn new.

Fifteen minutes later, Martin and I were driving home when he read aloud the name of Steely Dan’s “My Old School” from the radio screen. I took the opportunity for conversation and asked Martin the name of his old school, his preschool. He responded correctly. I followed up by asking which he prefers, his old school or his new school (his kindergarten).

“My new school.”

“Why do you prefer your new school?”

“But because I learn better there.”

Expressing a legitimate preference, and backing it up with a reason? First. Not to mention—I do think he’s learning better in kindergarten. His kindergarten really targets his needs in a way that preschool did not.

On New Year’s Day, I sensed that 2014 would be extraordinary. The banner year may indeed have arrived:

This past month has comprised an avalanche of firsts. I could go on and on. But I will address just one more, the evolution getting on the school bus. In just two weeks, we’ve progressed from me carrying Martin’s backpack and leading him by the hand down the driveway to the bus; to me carrying Martin’s backpack and coaxing him to follow me down the driveway; to me carrying Martin’s backpack and accompanying him as he walks without protest to the school bus; to Martin carrying his own backpack while I follow him; and finally to Martin walking down the driveway, alone, backpack on, and boarding the school bus while I wave from the front step. If I even try to follow Martin, I get a swift, “No, Mommy. You wait here!”

Am I proud? I’m darned proud.

And sorry.

I mean, Martin’s bus driver is also a Rangers fan.

I miss the morning hockey chit-chat.

On another occasion, Martin (right) with Christopher's big brother, Benjamin.

On another occasion, Martin (right) with Christopher’s big brother, Benjamin.

Blogospheric Rebound

Whenever I’ve posted as I did Sunday—that is, when I’ve complained—I’ve wanted achieve the blogosphere equivalent of a rebound. I’ve wanted, at least for my poor readers’ sake, to enumerate what’s going well, even if Martin’s progress is scant. Because, really, who will keep reading when I spew self-pity?

And so it is this evening: time to share some highlights.

•            He sleeps. We’ve had more than three weeks’ of uninterrupted nights. At 7:30 pm, Martin takes his final pills of the day, brushes his teeth (I assist), and reads a book with me. Then I deposit him in his bed, kiss him, declare my love, remind him to “sleep until morning,” leave the bedside light burning, exit, and expect not to see him again until 7:00 am, give or take. The reminder to sleep until morning is probably more superstition than effective guidance, but why mess with a working formula?

•            He tells me when it’s time to go. I can trust Martin to alert me when he requires a bathroom visit. True, he often gives me only 12 seconds’ notice, while simultaneously doing a jiggly dance and yelling, “I need potty! I need potty!” Nevertheless, I no longer have to drag him into every restroom we pass, which I used to do fear that he wouldn’t tell me if he actually had to go. I cannot recall his last daytime potty accident.

•            He interacts. We’re on vacation, and one of Martin’s neurotypical cousins, who is just three months younger than he, has joined us. They’ve been playing together. The cousin brings more focus and determination to the effort; she’ll turn to an adult and ask, “Why does Martin say ‘no’ so much?”, or, “Why doesn’t Martin want to do this?” But Martin participates, too. He chases his cousin and waits for her to chase him, and he drifts into her vicinity to check out what she’s up to. Eventually most of their play comes to resemble physical comedy. That’s what three- and four-year-olds do, right?

•            He checks my face. I credit our RDI work for this. When Martin and I are reading together, he looks to me for a cue of when he can turn the page. When Martin is tempted to enter unknown territory (to venture behind potted plants at the airport, for example, or to go upstairs in the vacation home we’ve rented), he seeks visual acknowledgment of whether the idea is a good one. (When I shake my head no, he ignores me and enters the unknown territory anyway. Again, that’s what three- and four-year-olds do, right?)

There you have it, poor readers. Four things that are going well.

And do you know, poor readers, that I don’t write a post like this only for you?

I write it for me, to remind (to reconvince?) myself that I believe in biomedical treatment for autism, that I have confidence in this path we’ve chosen, and that no matter how long the struggle, I will never give up trying to recover Martin.